Another puzzle piece for unification (Songmi)

After signing books, answering their heartfelt questions, and receiving so many hugs, I found myself reflecting as I drove home, “Okay, Song-mi, you did a great job. You made another piece of the unification puzzle.” I’ve realized over time that I don’t need to make a dramatic impact, I don’t have to try to save the entire world. Every time I speak, I contribute a small piece toward something larger. Thanks to Freedom Speakers International and Mr. Casey Lartigue, I am able to do so.

I thought back to when I was a young girl in North Korea struggling to survive, eating grass, living in a barn, later was homeless before my mom escaped North Korea. If I could talk to the younger version of myself, I would tell her: “Don’t give up hope. Even when everything seems lost, don’t let go of hope.” At that time, my hope was being with my mom again.

When I escaped North Korea to follow my mom to South Korea, I carried a small knife. I told myself that if I were captured, I would rather end my life than be sent back. I didn’t want my relatives to get into trouble because of me, so I would kill myself North Korean guards could arrest and question me. I also brought photos of my mother, hoping to keep a part of her with me as I escaped. But they were confiscated by a guard on a train who brutally beat me when he guessed I was trying to escape North Korea. Losing those photos when I didn’t know if I would ever see my mom again was one of the most painful moments of the journey.

I also thought back to 2019 in South Korea when I was on the verge of committing suicide. I was trying to find hope that would give me a reason to continue living. That hope turned out to be English. Because of English, I met Mr. Casey. And then, Mr. Casey became my hope. He changed the direction of my life in a good way. I started to believe that my life might matter. That was another Carpe Diem moment — when I found Mr. Casey.

If I could talk to myself in 2019, knowing what I know now, I would say: “It is okay to suffer. Through suffering, you will overcome this situation and have a great opportunity to be alive.” Back then, it was hard to believe anything good could come from suffering. But now I understand that pain can create the space for change, and even in the worst moments, something meaningful can begin.

I also thought back to 2022. When Mr. Casey first mentioned the year before that I could write a book, I didn’t believe it. My story was too sad, and I wasn’t from the elite of North Korea. Why would anyone want to read my story? At that time, I was too shy, nervous, and afraid of standing before many people. I had been in South Korea for a decade, but I had never given an interview or a speech as I adjusted to life here. “I only graduated from elementary school in North Korea, and I went several years without even opening a book. How can I write a book?” I kept finding reasons I couldn’t do it. But Mr. Casey encouraged me and believed in me before I believed in myself.

The questions I received from the 15 women visiting South Korea moved me. They made me think more deeply about my experiences. When people engage with my story in that way, I feel encouraged. It reminds me that what I’ve gone through matters — not just to me, but to others who are listening with open hearts and open minds.

I never imagined that I would one day speak openly about these memories — or that I would be embraced for them. But now, I am meeting people who care, who listen with compassion and curiosity, and who give me strength to continue. May 4 was another unforgettable moment — another puzzle piece added in my journey toward healing and toward unification.
***
Songmi Han is a North Korean Refugee Author Fellow with Freedom Speakers International and the co-author of her memoir, “Greenlight to Freedom: A North Korean Daughter’s Search for Her Mother and Herself,” co-written with FSI co-founder Casey Lartigue Jr.

https://www.amazon.com/Greenlight-Freedom-Korean-Daughters-Herself-ebook/dp/B09SPVHGQF

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Freedom Speakers International (FSI)